A Woman's Worth...My Worth

My best friend (a black male) and I read Hill Harper's "The Conversation: How Black Men and Women Can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships," at the same time, and needless to say, it sparked some conversation. One evening, he texted me and asked, "Do you feel valued by black men?" Talk about sparking conversation!!!! My best friend and I talk about everything, but this book brought the conversation between us, but more so the one I have with myself, to a completely different level!

When he asked me that question, I was speechless for probably the fifth time in my life. I told him, "This is not a texting conversation, so when you're free we'll talk about it in more detail. But, in the meantime, I'll say yes and no. I will elaborate later."

This question is something I fathom about quite often. Every time I ride the bus or train, every time I watch television (whether it's a music video, television show or the news) or read a newspaper or magazine, I pay attention to how black women are depicted. But, I can't speak for all black women, I can only speak for one...me. So, this is how I feel...

Many times, I don't feel valued by my black men. This is not a blog to diss all black men, because I refuse to jump on the bandwagon to say all of ANY group of people are the same.

My biological father left my mother, sister and I when I was three years old. Evil would be a kind description of my ex-stepfather. So, at an early age, the first black men in my life weren't very influential in telling me how precious I was in this world to them. But, I won't dwell in the past, so let's fast forward to the present.

I have a best friend who is the best I could ask for and more, and I do feel valued by him. I know he would do anything for me, and he doesn't take advantage of me. But, what about that significant other in my life? Well, that's part of the problem. It's not a problem that I'm single because I embrace it. The problem is why I'm single.

It's actually quite simple--I refuse to settle! I refuse to settle for a playa who has five children by four women or Mr. Married Man who wants a little somethin' on the side. Sorry, I'm not the one! Words can't describe my disdain and disgust when I get approached by these men--but I know my worth, and I can't go there. I don't know if these men weren't reared on the proper etiquette of how to treat ladies, if the media has a role in it, or if it's the mere disrespect that some of my black sistas put out there for themselves. Whatever the case, I'm not the one!

I don't live by how people (e.g. black men) feel about me, but I have to admit, it is nice when I feel respected. I was told recently all people really want in life is to be loved, wanted and to belong. I agree. People want (and need) to feel they are valued. I would like to feel like I'm valued, for more than that's what on my chest, what I sit on or what's between my legs.