Feeling the Beat of the Rhythm of the Night with El DeBarge, A True Talent

A few weeks ago, I was graced with the presence of the one and only El DeBarge at Chicago's hottest new club, (and one of my favorite spots) The Shrine.

The talented singer and musician performed all of the faves from Switch's "There"ll Never Be" and "I Call Your Name" to his hits with DeBarge that included "Time Will Reveal", "I Like It", "All This Love" and "Rhythm of the Night". With Chicago musicians and backup vocals backing him in the intimate setting of the club's atmosphere, it really felt like all of El's love was with each and every one of us. At least, I felt like it was for me (he looked right at me twice, I don't care what my sister says, but I digress...).

What can I say? That man has still got it! He had me screaming like a teenager one moment, while shedding a tear like a lovestruck lady the next. He hit every note and could still move like he did 2o+ years ago. It's no secret El has faced tragedy and experienced difficult times in his life. But, he wants (and deserves) a second chance, which is why he's coming out with his new CD, Second Chance, set to be released at the end of the month. His track with Faith on the CD is pretty tight, I must say.

Much love to El and thank you for bringing your love and talents to Chicago!

BLACK GIRLS ROCK! DUH!

I know I'm a little late talking about this, so please forgive me. As a journalist, it's important to be timely, but to no fault of my own (my other job) I missed the first airing of BET's "BLACK GIRLS ROCK". The last two days, I've heard nothing but rave reviews of the show. From comments on Facebook to commentary from my mother, "BLACK GIRLS ROCK!" sent a message loud and clear for the world to hear. And the world was listening.

The other day, my mom was discussing the deets from the show with me and said, "YOU ROCK!" (I think my mom rocks too and I told her so.) I thought that was one of the most precious things I could hear from my 66-year-old mommy. One of my favorite sayings is I could put her in a display cube and put her on my dresser. :) But I digress...

In this day and age with an African-American First Lady in the White House, we look at how far we've come. (I wish my grandmother was here to see it.) Unfortunately, in other aspects, we're reminded of how much work we need to do. But, shows such as these FINALLY reflect the positivity in our community. As a journalist, I take responsibility in saying the media (of which I am a member) MUST take that responsibility in portraying the positive lights in our community, rather putting the spotlight on the negative parts of it. Every opp I have, I choose to write about a black girl who rocks. And there are A LOT of us out there!

Young girls and ladies need more shows like these and programs to reflect why we rock and how hard we rock! From the various ways we rep our beautiful manes and our stylish flair to our intelligence, strength, wisdom and creativity, WE ROCK HARD!

One of my favorite black girls who rocks (literally) is Chicago hip-hop alternative artist Nikki Lynette. I'll leave you with a quote from her, which is one of my all-time favorite quotes I captured as a journalist.

"My life kind of rocks right now, and I want it to rock harder."

MY Beauty Equation

A few weeks ago, I had the pleasure to meet America's Next Top Model judge and photographer Nigel Barker. I have to admit I was star-struck! His stunning beauty (absolutely handsome!), his accent, his demeanor and the way he spoke to me with his eyes left me speechless for seconds, or more like minutes, as my editor interviewed him and I took notes. As I listened to the captivating words from his mouth (which included his beauty equation), it all made sense why I think he is beautiful. He was more than a gorgeous face with a sexy accent. He was a man who truly gets it.

We all have our own definition of beauty and Nigel said "it's our imperfections that make us perfect". That's when it clicked. That's when I thought about the way my right eye closes a little when I pose for a picture. Think about that scar on that person's face that gives him character and tells a story. Reflect on how it blends in with his skin to cause a dimple to match the ones when he smiles at you.

I see beauty in love. I see beauty in nature. I see beauty in people. Whether it's a father tossing his daughter in the air, or you're walking outside on a brisk autumn day as you listen to the multi-colored leaves crunch underneath your feet, or you witness someone tasting a dish for the first time, beauty is everywhere.

Beauty is a culmination of love for your fellow man and experiencing the blessings of life to the fullest.

Friends...How Many of Us Have Them?

I was inspired by 80s hip hop group Whodini for the title of my post. Moreover, I was inspired by the recent move of two people who've grown to become more than my friends. They've become by big brother and big sister (how I fondly refer to them).

The other day, I had an epiphany. It's amazing how we as humans wait until important people in our lives leave (through death, relocation, etc.) to let them know how we truly feel about them.

For me, my friends are an extension of my family. It's not often you find people who you can relate to, know what you're thinking or can finish your sentences. How about the ones who challenge you, inspire you and motivate you? Let's not forget to mention the ones who share your taste in music, cuisine and fashion (or introduce to new experiences).

You know what they say - "There are big ships and small ships. But the best ship of all is friendship." I love all of my ships and look forward to many more adventures to come! :)

Dust Your Shoulders Off Michelle & Sasha

Recent articles (this is just one example of many) reported First Lady Michelle Obama and her daughter Sasha are the subjects of negative discussion among Conservatives and other skeptics for vacationing in Spain.

I have to admit, I'm scratching my head on this one. I have to ask...is it just me or is this is not an issue? What's the problem?

A few weeks ago, I saw MY President (yes, I said MY and I didn't stutter, but I should say OUR) on "The View" where he mentioned Michelle and Sasha were on vacation, while Malia is away at camp. So, again I ask...what's the problem?

I'm really trying to understand the argument presented here. Was the trip too lavish? Do people think the Obamas' are snobby? From what I've read, some would say yes to both statements. But, as my dear friend from childhood Steven Q. Urkel would eloquently say, "Allow me to quote the 25th letter of the alphabet...Y?"

Since when is it a crime to take your child and company on a vacation outside of the country? Some argue it's not the most frugal choice, especially in lieu of the state of the economy. Whatevs...

The First Lady's been clocked for vacationing eight times this summer.

Here's what I have to say...are you ready?

MIND YOUR BUSINESS!

Don't you think there are other and more important matters that need more attention than where the Obamas' choose to vacation? I can't speak for Michelle, but I don't think she thinks she or her family are better than anyone else. What's wrong with a vacay outside of the country? I plan to travel to Nigeria in 2011, does that mean I'm stuck-up?

I've really tried to read several articles on this topic to read ALL points of view, but the more I read, I become more and more irritated.

I must be missing something...

Black Hair: A Deep-Rooted Issue

Actor and comedian Chris Rock made a documentary about it. I wrote my Thesis for graduate school about the topic. But, what recently caught my attention was Allison Samuels and her coverage about it.

Black hair.

I've haven't seen Chris Rock's "Good Hair" , but I plan to see it and am anxious to see what all the critics are talking about. From what I hear from my peers, it's humorous (didn't expect less from this HIGH-larious comedian) and rather informative. My peers (of all ethnicities) said they learned at least a handful of facts from the film.

Today, my sister emailed me a blog post from journalist Allison Samuels, which sparked my attention. In the post, she references an article she wrote about Angelina Jolie and her daughter, Zahara. Specifically, she wrote about Angelina's neglect for the care of Zahara's hair.

As a toddler, young Zahara asked her mother why her hair didn't resemble the hair of her mother's or her other siblings. Whoever said children aren't smart was lying. As young as she is, Zahara knows the difference, and like most children she doesn't have a filter and speaks the truth.

Would little Zahara have asked this question if her hair was combed and maintained properly? Maybe. Clearly, hair textures vary (even among African-Americans). But, the bottom line is how could a woman as rich as she is who has access to various resources have her child's head looking like that?

My sister often jokes you can tell something's wrong in a household when a black child's hair isn't combed. I won't speculate anything is going on in the Jolie-Pitt household. I'm not even trying to judge. I'm merely stating what's real. And what's real is often people of different cultures don't understand how deep-rooted hair is in the African-American community (especially among Black women).

I feel India.Arie in her song, but whether we care to admit it, we are in some way tied to our roots, our hair roots that is. I agree with Allison - we bond with our moms as they take care of our manes and teach us how to do so. We even spend millions of dollars collectively as a country in maintaining it (another story, one of which I wrote my Thesis on - did I mention that earlier?).

I don't think Allison wrote her article to be mean-spirited, but only to educate and inform people about an issue in our community. It's bigger than Zahara's hair. It's about how she views herself now, which will shape her self-esteem and self-image as a teenager and as an adult.

Taking Myself Out of the Freezer

A few weeks ago, I went on vacation with my sister and cousin for our First Annual Girls' Weekend. We decided to retreat in Atlanta aka ''Hotlanta" and "ATL". We haven't spent any length of time in the city prior to the trip, so we were all curious to see what all the hype was about and were to eager to spend some well-deserved time away from work and responsibilities. It was time to relax, relate and release (and had great times doing it!). Little did I know, it was also time to reflect.

While I was there, I met with a colleague (who's turned into a friend along the way) who is both a psychologist and relationship expert in Atlanta. I consulted with him on yet another article I'm writing about intimate relationships between my brothas and sistas in our community (which still intrigues me, but I digress). *I can't divulge the deets of this article yet because it's a current project I'm writing, but deets to follow soon - my apologies for the tease.*

It turns out in the course of retrieving information for my article over the two-hour lunch meeting, I was subconsciously forced to look at my own situation in the romance department, or shall I say a lack thereof.

I can honestly say at 27 years old, I've yet to fall in love. It's interesting because most would describe me as a hopeless romantic and would be correct. I'm one who loves love. I want to fall in love. I'm a sap, an idealist. Yet, I overanalyze EVERYTHING, and my brain gets in the way of what my heart feels. Some say it's smart to play it safe. But my friend told me, "When it comes to love, you can't get what you want based on fear."

I subconsciously (and consciously) wait for that "one". The man who's going to be everything to me. Best friend. Lover. Partner. Confidante. Is that too unrealistic? Perhaps. But, as I mentioned in previous blogs, I refuse to settle. But, I don't think it's about settling. My sister says I need to make myself more available and put myself out there on the scene. So, the question is: How do I do that?

My friend mentioned how I may be "in the freezer"...and it made sense! I'm at a place where I can be preserved, but I have to admit, it's a bit cold in there. And we all know what happens to things that stay in the freezer too long - they get freezer-burned (which is an oxymoron - but it does happen, especially to meat!)!

I'll be a year older in my late 20s in July, and I'm forced to think about my future. As I progress in my career, who I want to spend my future with is in the back of my mind. Yet, I must focus on my present and how the experiences today will shape my future. Perhaps, I should listen more to my heart. Whatever the case, it's summertime and it's the season in my life to thaw out.

Potential vs. Position

To date, one of my most memorable interviews was with scholar, actor and author Hill Harper. In his most recent work, The Conversation: How Black Men and Women Can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships, Hill discussed how black women should date looking to pursue the "potential" in a mate, as opposed to his "status" or "position".

Hill and comedian Steve Harvey reiterated this point recently on the Nightline special, "Why Can't a Successful Black Woman Find a Man?" Steve argued some women focus so intently on the position that we tend to oversee the potential in a man.

As much as I hate to say it, I tend to agree. And I speak from experience. Sort of.

But, who am I to judge? Yes, I'm educated with a Master's degree in Journalism. Yes, I have high morals and standards. It's fair to say I have a "list" of what I look for in a potential mate, and being educated and possessing morals are two of them.

However, I'm in my late 20s and because I've spent most of my adulthood in school, I've just started my career in my field. Unlike some, I don't measure success by dollar signs, but by one's pursuit to work honestly and diligently for what brings joy to him and those around him. I want someone who loves life and desires to share that love with others. A man who works hard and cares about people. He could be a laborer, a member of the law enforcement, an actor or the President of the United States (which brings me to my next point).

Hill pointed out First Lady Michelle Obama saw the potential in our President Barack Obama...

The examples can go on forever and I feel him on his point. Yet, it's one thing to feel him, and it's another to put it to practice.

After a phone conversation with my sister a few minutes ago, we discussed how difficult it can be to focus on that "potential" when you know what you want. But, perhaps that's the problem. We're thinking about ourselves and not putting our future mate in the equation. I mean, he does count and he is who we want to share our future (and our present).

I suppose my long-winded point is I don't think I'm picky. I have my standards and I refuse to settle. Yet, sometimes I tend to wonder what opportunities I passed up that were "potentially" good ones...

Everything happens for a reason, and I strive to learn from everything. I just don't want to learn the lessons too late. But, I'm not too worried. I'd like to think I have some time. In the meantime, I'll work on what I bring to the table to position myself for my potential mate.

Let's Get It Right & Get It Tight in 2010 Ladies!

Bubba Sparxxx isn't the only one who can say it. My title for this post is my quote for the year-"Get It Right & Get It Tight", which is more than I say for the women in his music video. But, in a way, I think he may have been on to something, just a bit misguided (I digress). I write this post not as one who criticizes or looks down on others, but one who is concerned and a bit frustrated with members of her community.

As a disclaimer, I don't proclaim to be Flo Jo, nor do I say I am a fitness guru. I'm not perfect. The last few weeks, I've skipped a few 5am trips to the gym before work. I know better. So, guess what? When you know better, you do better.

I must admit, a stimulating conversation with a special friend last night ignited the flame from my mind to my fingertips as I type this blog post. We both observed the same thing and asked ourselves the same question: why are most women in our community unhealthy?

Back in January, I wrote an article for Gloss Magazine Online entitled "Food for Thought and Action". In the article, I interviewed two African-American female health experts and a woman who's working to maintain a healthy lifestyle. The woman looking to remain healthy said something that resonated with me. She said as weird as it sounded, every time she thought about eating something unhealthy, an overweight sister would appear in her presence.

What's sad is this statement isn't weird, nor is it false. According to the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services, African-American women have the highest rates of being overweight or obese than any other ethnic group in the country. Four out of five women are overweight or obese. If people don't see this is as a problem, then I don't know what is.

Like my friend, when we go to the gym, why is it we rarely see Black women working out? Why aren't we outside jogging in our neighborhoods? Why aren't our shopping carts at grocery stores filled with fruits, vegetables, salads and other healthy products? We can't put all the blame on our schools for feeding our children garbage.

The harsh truth is practicing and living a healthy lifestyle starts at home. Children model the actions they see. As mothers, aunts, grandmothers and caregivers (which I am not either of these yet, but hope to be one day) we must provide a positive example for our youth and end this vicious cycle that's killing our community. Killing us with diseases related to obesity such as hypertension, strokes, heart attacks and diabetes. But, if we can't take care of ourselves, how are we going to take care of someone else?

Of course, all of this starts from within...how do we feel about ourselves? A low self-esteem exudes and is reflected in our outer appearance. If you don't believe in or love yourself, how do you expect others to be attracted to you (and not just in a romantic way)? So the question is...how can we gain that inner confidence and love for life that we need to take care of ourselves?

Love is Not a Dirty Word

I know it can be hard to believe, but love isn't a dirty word. Musiq Soulchild made a song about the topic. It's true: it's often misused and abused, tossed around like any other word, without any thought. Isn't it funny how we use it? Think about it: I love shopping. I love my family. I love my job. I love spending time with my friends. We use "love" to describe our adoration for people, inanimate objects and hobbies. True enough we have different degrees of admiration for them, but one thing's for sure-we genuinely care about them.

This may be perhaps one of the main reasons the word "love" is misused so frequently. Perhaps people have heard it so much that somewhere in the shuffle they've lost the true meaning of it. Or they equate love with someone or something they once held dear to their hearts and were sourly disappointed. I can't help but think of all the hearts out there that were once filled with that genuine love, but lost it (or most of it) and refuse to open themselves to the possibility...

What do you do when you run into this? What's a single 20-something to do as she works the courage to open herself up for that possibility?

She does just that-she opens her heart, yet keeps her eyes open. She continues to adore those objects and hobbies, but holds those people in her life a little bit closer to her. She lives life to the fullest, enjoying and appreciating the smaller things in life, like hummus and wine after a day of work one evening or dancing in the sunshine on a spring day. She continues to LOVE every aspect of life and pray that it's so infectious she spreads it to the next person and he or she pays it forward.

I challenge you (and myself) to do something-think about the word "love" before saying it. It's one of those words that shouldn't be trapped in the sewage system somewhere. It should have life, and an opportunity to bloom into infinite possibilities meant for good, and never for evil.

Looking Like a Fool With Your Pants on the Ground!

Throughout this month, I've watched several "old-school" movies (e.g. Cooley High, The Mack, etc.) that reflected life for African-Americans back in the day. In the midst of the Civil Rights Movement and other moments in history, one thing stood out to me: how we as a people dressed.

I looked at old pictures of my mother and some of our other family members from the 1950s and 1960s. It amazed me how teenagers AND adults took such pride in their appearance. From the hairstyles to the color-coordinated and tailored clothing to the shoes, we were stunning! At a time when we couldn't vote and our predecessors marched for miles to demonstrate for equality, they walked for miles in style because they possessed an inner pride within themselves. Even though they knew what faced them (the threat of being beaten, attacked by dogs, sprayed by water hoses, thrown in jail or even killed), they were dressed for success and nothing less. They wanted to be taken seriously. Unfortunately, I can't say the same for many of the people in our community today (especially the youngsters)...

I think American Idol Larry Platt said it best in his song "Pants on the Ground". Words can't describe how much I much detest seeing young (and older) men with their pants hanging off their behinds and revealing their underwear with the blinding glare of gold from their "grills". But, it's not just the fellas! Who told these young women wearing these tight jeans (that reveal their behinds), tops that show their goodies and multi-colored weave is cute?

Call me bougie (derived from bourgeois) if you must, but I feel we need to take back our pride in ourselves, which equals pride in our community. What has happened in the last few decades (a generation basically) where people don't care how they look? The younger generations don't necessarily have many role models to look up to, especially those who grow up around this lifestyle. Unfortunately, people are judged by their outer appearance. The old saying "your first impression should be your best impression" isn't too far-fetched...

Innovators and History Makers...Ain't No Stopping Us Now

In the midst of turbulence and trouble in urban communities in the United States, music has remained a constant figure throughout the course of history.

I recently watched how the vision of one man changed the course of this history. In 1968, Don Cornelius earned a job at Chicago's WCIU-TV. This is where he developed his deep desire to see African Americans portrayed in a positive light in the midst of the Civil Rights Movement. His vision of a "black American Bandstand" turned into "Soul Train", which aired for the first time on August 17, 1970. By the end of the first season, the show expanded to 50 cities all over the country.

Little did I realize that it took less than a year for the show to get backing for national syndication. On October 2, 1971, the show premiered in Los Angeles, around the same time Motown moved to LA from Detroit. Apparently, this was a sign the times were a-changin' for black folks, at least in the entertainment industry. Nonetheless, it was a significant step in mainstream media.

Soul Train was also a platform for black-owned businesses (e.g. Johnson Products) to promote their company's products, which reinforced the phrase "black is beautiful". I remember this when I was younger. I looked forward to watching Soul Train every Saturday morning at 11:00 a.m. I loved watching the commericals, which showed people that looked like me. I used to sing along to the"Just For Me" commercial and with Tyrese on the bus in the Coca-Cola commercial. Oh memories, good times...but I digress...

Don Cornelius also changed the game in business and journalism. It was a place where more black floor managers and black directors appeared on the scene. The show also created a voice for various forms of music, including a new genre on the scene--hip-hop. This was a form of music many were unfamilar with, and didn't understand. But, something about Doug E. Fresh's beatboxing and Slick Rick's lyrics (among other innovators of hip-hop) were intriguing and irresistible. The feeling of the atmosphere at Fresh Fest last night (a reunion tour featuring Salt N Pepa, Slick Rick, Doug E. Fresh, Biz Markie, Big Daddy Kane and Whodini) took me back to those years when I was a young lass watching them on television on Saturday mornings.

It was truly a sad day when Don Cornelius left the show in 1993, but even sadder when the show went off the air back in 2006. I didn't realize this show made history as the longest syndicated TV show--35 years!

Soul Train was more than a show for people to view the latest dance moves, fashion fads or hear the latest hits. It created a source of pride in our community that was much-needed and to this today, is truly appreciated, at least from a young twentysomething brown lady's perspective.

Is Common Courtesy Really That COMMON Anymore?

I fathom over this question every day as I ride the bus and train to and from my daily destinations. I observe the behavior of children (grade school and high school ages) & wonder (to be frank)...WTF? To be honest, some of these children act like animals!

I listen to the foul language coming out of their mouths (which we cursed when I was younger, but most of us didn't dare let an adult hear us) and there's just no respect, for those around them or themselves for that matter. Buses are crowded and they are pushing through passengers without an "excuse me", "sorry" or "pardon me". Really? Seriously?

My question is, what has happened within the last decade that people just don't care anymore? Why are parents neglecting to teach their children the rules of common courtesy and proper etiquette? Is it just me? Am I old-fashioned? I'm just shy of a generation older than most of these younger people I see...so, what in the heck has happened in such a short amount of time?

Don't get me wrong. I love listening to my iPod and listening to my jams, but I shouldn't be forced to in efforts to drown out the vulgarity I hear from these youngsters' mouths. It's a shame when the volume level from their "conversations" are competing with my electronic device, which I have to hold close to make sure one of them doesn't try to swipe in the first place.

I'm tired of getting shoved in the ovary or knocked in the back of the head with an oversized backpack because some rude child can't say "excuse me". I do love children (even though it may not sound like it), but I'm just sayin'...