Potential vs. Position

To date, one of my most memorable interviews was with scholar, actor and author Hill Harper. In his most recent work, The Conversation: How Black Men and Women Can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships, Hill discussed how black women should date looking to pursue the "potential" in a mate, as opposed to his "status" or "position".

Hill and comedian Steve Harvey reiterated this point recently on the Nightline special, "Why Can't a Successful Black Woman Find a Man?" Steve argued some women focus so intently on the position that we tend to oversee the potential in a man.

As much as I hate to say it, I tend to agree. And I speak from experience. Sort of.

But, who am I to judge? Yes, I'm educated with a Master's degree in Journalism. Yes, I have high morals and standards. It's fair to say I have a "list" of what I look for in a potential mate, and being educated and possessing morals are two of them.

However, I'm in my late 20s and because I've spent most of my adulthood in school, I've just started my career in my field. Unlike some, I don't measure success by dollar signs, but by one's pursuit to work honestly and diligently for what brings joy to him and those around him. I want someone who loves life and desires to share that love with others. A man who works hard and cares about people. He could be a laborer, a member of the law enforcement, an actor or the President of the United States (which brings me to my next point).

Hill pointed out First Lady Michelle Obama saw the potential in our President Barack Obama...

The examples can go on forever and I feel him on his point. Yet, it's one thing to feel him, and it's another to put it to practice.

After a phone conversation with my sister a few minutes ago, we discussed how difficult it can be to focus on that "potential" when you know what you want. But, perhaps that's the problem. We're thinking about ourselves and not putting our future mate in the equation. I mean, he does count and he is who we want to share our future (and our present).

I suppose my long-winded point is I don't think I'm picky. I have my standards and I refuse to settle. Yet, sometimes I tend to wonder what opportunities I passed up that were "potentially" good ones...

Everything happens for a reason, and I strive to learn from everything. I just don't want to learn the lessons too late. But, I'm not too worried. I'd like to think I have some time. In the meantime, I'll work on what I bring to the table to position myself for my potential mate.