Candlelight and Who?

As I listen to a throwback jam (Chante Moore and Keith Washington's 90's hit "Candlelight and You") and watch Tyler Perry's "Why Did I Get Married?" yet again, I am forced to reflect on the subject of an upcoming column of mine that will be published in a few weeks--relationships and how women (black women, specifically) can find their dream man and ideal relationship with him.

That's the $1 million question, and to quote Steve Harvey from "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man", there's always going to be a $10 answer.

When I was much younger, I envisioned myself married by the time I was 24 years old and a mother by 28. I just turned 27 almost three weeks ago and have yet to make a leap in either direction. The plan is to do the first part and then the latter (call me old-fashioned if you will). But as always, life doesn't turn out the way you plan it. And I'm okay with that.

What I'm not okay with are some of the reasons why I'm single. And here's why:

• According to the U.S. Department of Justice's Bureau of Justice Statistics, there were 4,777 black male inmates per 100,000 black males in mid-year 2008, compared with 1,760 Hispanic males per 100,000 Hispanic males and 727 white males per 100, 000 white males.

Is it just me or is something wrong with this picture? The numbers speak for themselves.

• It's no secret that black women have a higher college graduate rate than the brothers. I looked around in my graduate program and didn't see one African-American male colleague other than one of my professors who said this wasn't surprising to him. Perhaps it's because of my major (Journalism). Perhaps not. Where are the Curtis Lawrence's, Don Terry's and Ed Bradley's of my generation?

I refuse to give up, but I also refuse to settle. Hince why I am still single.

In the course of my research for my upcoming column, relationship expert and psychologist Dr. Alduan Tartt revealed to me there's nothing more sad than an old, lonely man. I'm afraid I have to disagree Dr. Tartt.

There's nothing more sad than a young, vibrant, intelligent, strong, sophisticated, spiritual, beautiful young lady OR man who doesn't have that special someone to share it all.

I truly believe God has that special person for everyone. Patience is indeed the key (at least I keep telling myself LOL).

I don't want to turn around one day and ask myself: why did I get married?

In the meantime, I will strive to be the best me I can be for my future prize, but most of all, for myself.

Family Really Does Matter!

Last week, I returned home from a fun-filled family reunion in Mississippi. I visited and met family members from my mother's side of the family who I met for the first time and those who I met over the last decade or so at the funerals of other family members. I figured it was about time to see these folks in a less melancholy atmosphere and connect with family members I've never known.

As my 27th birthday approached and has since passed, family takes a new meaning to me. While I was at the reunion forming new bonds with cousins, I couldn't help but reflect on my relationships with members of my immediate family (especially on my mother's side). My father's family, along with my father, reside in Nigeria. An entire world away. So, I thought about the relationships in my family, especially since my grandmother (Big Mama) passed away in 2005. I saw the love shared between my other family members at this festive event and said to myself: Why don't I see more of this in my immediate family? What's lacking? I thought, "These people are really on to something here!"

I could easily sit here and talk about all the things my immediate family is doing wrong, but I won't. To be honest, it's just too disheartening to do so.

But, I'll tell what you what I will do. I will embrace and nurture the relationship ties I have and just made. I will fight the urge to dwell on what I can't change and focus on what really matters!

Welcome to Through the Eyes of Iya!

Hi there & welcome!

I've been procastinating long enough, and I thought now (today) was an important time to dive in and get this blog started!

Over the past few weeks, I've brainstormed over various topics for my blog "Through the Eyes of Iya". Many of these topics include areas in my life and those close to me. But, all of the topics will have a central idea, or theme, in mind--African-American women. Discussions will cover race, religion, education, health, lifestyle, the business world, etc.

The goal is to write a new post each week with a new topic from week-to-week. But, if I have more to say on one topic that relates to the previous week, I will not apologize for touching on a similar topic with a slightly different spin and additional information.

I hope you enjoy the ride and take something from it because I intend to do both!

Enjoy!