I was inspired by 80s hip hop group Whodini for the title of my post. Moreover, I was inspired by the recent move of two people who've grown to become more than my friends. They've become by big brother and big sister (how I fondly refer to them).
The other day, I had an epiphany. It's amazing how we as humans wait until important people in our lives leave (through death, relocation, etc.) to let them know how we truly feel about them.
For me, my friends are an extension of my family. It's not often you find people who you can relate to, know what you're thinking or can finish your sentences. How about the ones who challenge you, inspire you and motivate you? Let's not forget to mention the ones who share your taste in music, cuisine and fashion (or introduce to new experiences).
You know what they say - "There are big ships and small ships. But the best ship of all is friendship." I love all of my ships and look forward to many more adventures to come! :)
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Friday, August 13, 2010
Dust Your Shoulders Off Michelle & Sasha
Recent articles (this is just one example of many) reported First Lady Michelle Obama and her daughter Sasha are the subjects of negative discussion among Conservatives and other skeptics for vacationing in Spain.
I have to admit, I'm scratching my head on this one. I have to ask...is it just me or is this is not an issue? What's the problem?
A few weeks ago, I saw MY President (yes, I said MY and I didn't stutter, but I should say OUR) on "The View" where he mentioned Michelle and Sasha were on vacation, while Malia is away at camp. So, again I ask...what's the problem?
I'm really trying to understand the argument presented here. Was the trip too lavish? Do people think the Obamas' are snobby? From what I've read, some would say yes to both statements. But, as my dear friend from childhood Steven Q. Urkel would eloquently say, "Allow me to quote the 25th letter of the alphabet...Y?"
Since when is it a crime to take your child and company on a vacation outside of the country? Some argue it's not the most frugal choice, especially in lieu of the state of the economy. Whatevs...
The First Lady's been clocked for vacationing eight times this summer.
Here's what I have to say...are you ready?
MIND YOUR BUSINESS!
Don't you think there are other and more important matters that need more attention than where the Obamas' choose to vacation? I can't speak for Michelle, but I don't think she thinks she or her family are better than anyone else. What's wrong with a vacay outside of the country? I plan to travel to Nigeria in 2011, does that mean I'm stuck-up?
I've really tried to read several articles on this topic to read ALL points of view, but the more I read, I become more and more irritated.
I must be missing something...
I have to admit, I'm scratching my head on this one. I have to ask...is it just me or is this is not an issue? What's the problem?
A few weeks ago, I saw MY President (yes, I said MY and I didn't stutter, but I should say OUR) on "The View" where he mentioned Michelle and Sasha were on vacation, while Malia is away at camp. So, again I ask...what's the problem?
I'm really trying to understand the argument presented here. Was the trip too lavish? Do people think the Obamas' are snobby? From what I've read, some would say yes to both statements. But, as my dear friend from childhood Steven Q. Urkel would eloquently say, "Allow me to quote the 25th letter of the alphabet...Y?"
Since when is it a crime to take your child and company on a vacation outside of the country? Some argue it's not the most frugal choice, especially in lieu of the state of the economy. Whatevs...
The First Lady's been clocked for vacationing eight times this summer.
Here's what I have to say...are you ready?
MIND YOUR BUSINESS!
Don't you think there are other and more important matters that need more attention than where the Obamas' choose to vacation? I can't speak for Michelle, but I don't think she thinks she or her family are better than anyone else. What's wrong with a vacay outside of the country? I plan to travel to Nigeria in 2011, does that mean I'm stuck-up?
I've really tried to read several articles on this topic to read ALL points of view, but the more I read, I become more and more irritated.
I must be missing something...
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Black Hair: A Deep-Rooted Issue
Actor and comedian Chris Rock made a documentary about it. I wrote my Thesis for graduate school about the topic. But, what recently caught my attention was Allison Samuels and her coverage about it.
Black hair.
I've haven't seen Chris Rock's "Good Hair" , but I plan to see it and am anxious to see what all the critics are talking about. From what I hear from my peers, it's humorous (didn't expect less from this HIGH-larious comedian) and rather informative. My peers (of all ethnicities) said they learned at least a handful of facts from the film.
Today, my sister emailed me a blog post from journalist Allison Samuels, which sparked my attention. In the post, she references an article she wrote about Angelina Jolie and her daughter, Zahara. Specifically, she wrote about Angelina's neglect for the care of Zahara's hair.
As a toddler, young Zahara asked her mother why her hair didn't resemble the hair of her mother's or her other siblings. Whoever said children aren't smart was lying. As young as she is, Zahara knows the difference, and like most children she doesn't have a filter and speaks the truth.
Would little Zahara have asked this question if her hair was combed and maintained properly? Maybe. Clearly, hair textures vary (even among African-Americans). But, the bottom line is how could a woman as rich as she is who has access to various resources have her child's head looking like that?
My sister often jokes you can tell something's wrong in a household when a black child's hair isn't combed. I won't speculate anything is going on in the Jolie-Pitt household. I'm not even trying to judge. I'm merely stating what's real. And what's real is often people of different cultures don't understand how deep-rooted hair is in the African-American community (especially among Black women).
I feel India.Arie in her song, but whether we care to admit it, we are in some way tied to our roots, our hair roots that is. I agree with Allison - we bond with our moms as they take care of our manes and teach us how to do so. We even spend millions of dollars collectively as a country in maintaining it (another story, one of which I wrote my Thesis on - did I mention that earlier?).
I don't think Allison wrote her article to be mean-spirited, but only to educate and inform people about an issue in our community. It's bigger than Zahara's hair. It's about how she views herself now, which will shape her self-esteem and self-image as a teenager and as an adult.
Black hair.
I've haven't seen Chris Rock's "Good Hair" , but I plan to see it and am anxious to see what all the critics are talking about. From what I hear from my peers, it's humorous (didn't expect less from this HIGH-larious comedian) and rather informative. My peers (of all ethnicities) said they learned at least a handful of facts from the film.
Today, my sister emailed me a blog post from journalist Allison Samuels, which sparked my attention. In the post, she references an article she wrote about Angelina Jolie and her daughter, Zahara. Specifically, she wrote about Angelina's neglect for the care of Zahara's hair.
As a toddler, young Zahara asked her mother why her hair didn't resemble the hair of her mother's or her other siblings. Whoever said children aren't smart was lying. As young as she is, Zahara knows the difference, and like most children she doesn't have a filter and speaks the truth.
Would little Zahara have asked this question if her hair was combed and maintained properly? Maybe. Clearly, hair textures vary (even among African-Americans). But, the bottom line is how could a woman as rich as she is who has access to various resources have her child's head looking like that?
My sister often jokes you can tell something's wrong in a household when a black child's hair isn't combed. I won't speculate anything is going on in the Jolie-Pitt household. I'm not even trying to judge. I'm merely stating what's real. And what's real is often people of different cultures don't understand how deep-rooted hair is in the African-American community (especially among Black women).
I feel India.Arie in her song, but whether we care to admit it, we are in some way tied to our roots, our hair roots that is. I agree with Allison - we bond with our moms as they take care of our manes and teach us how to do so. We even spend millions of dollars collectively as a country in maintaining it (another story, one of which I wrote my Thesis on - did I mention that earlier?).
I don't think Allison wrote her article to be mean-spirited, but only to educate and inform people about an issue in our community. It's bigger than Zahara's hair. It's about how she views herself now, which will shape her self-esteem and self-image as a teenager and as an adult.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Taking Myself Out of the Freezer
A few weeks ago, I went on vacation with my sister and cousin for our First Annual Girls' Weekend. We decided to retreat in Atlanta aka ''Hotlanta" and "ATL". We haven't spent any length of time in the city prior to the trip, so we were all curious to see what all the hype was about and were to eager to spend some well-deserved time away from work and responsibilities. It was time to relax, relate and release (and had great times doing it!). Little did I know, it was also time to reflect.
While I was there, I met with a colleague (who's turned into a friend along the way) who is both a psychologist and relationship expert in Atlanta. I consulted with him on yet another article I'm writing about intimate relationships between my brothas and sistas in our community (which still intrigues me, but I digress). *I can't divulge the deets of this article yet because it's a current project I'm writing, but deets to follow soon - my apologies for the tease.*
It turns out in the course of retrieving information for my article over the two-hour lunch meeting, I was subconsciously forced to look at my own situation in the romance department, or shall I say a lack thereof.
I can honestly say at 27 years old, I've yet to fall in love. It's interesting because most would describe me as a hopeless romantic and would be correct. I'm one who loves love. I want to fall in love. I'm a sap, an idealist. Yet, I overanalyze EVERYTHING, and my brain gets in the way of what my heart feels. Some say it's smart to play it safe. But my friend told me, "When it comes to love, you can't get what you want based on fear."
I subconsciously (and consciously) wait for that "one". The man who's going to be everything to me. Best friend. Lover. Partner. Confidante. Is that too unrealistic? Perhaps. But, as I mentioned in previous blogs, I refuse to settle. But, I don't think it's about settling. My sister says I need to make myself more available and put myself out there on the scene. So, the question is: How do I do that?
My friend mentioned how I may be "in the freezer"...and it made sense! I'm at a place where I can be preserved, but I have to admit, it's a bit cold in there. And we all know what happens to things that stay in the freezer too long - they get freezer-burned (which is an oxymoron - but it does happen, especially to meat!)!
I'll be a year older in my late 20s in July, and I'm forced to think about my future. As I progress in my career, who I want to spend my future with is in the back of my mind. Yet, I must focus on my present and how the experiences today will shape my future. Perhaps, I should listen more to my heart. Whatever the case, it's summertime and it's the season in my life to thaw out.
While I was there, I met with a colleague (who's turned into a friend along the way) who is both a psychologist and relationship expert in Atlanta. I consulted with him on yet another article I'm writing about intimate relationships between my brothas and sistas in our community (which still intrigues me, but I digress). *I can't divulge the deets of this article yet because it's a current project I'm writing, but deets to follow soon - my apologies for the tease.*
It turns out in the course of retrieving information for my article over the two-hour lunch meeting, I was subconsciously forced to look at my own situation in the romance department, or shall I say a lack thereof.
I can honestly say at 27 years old, I've yet to fall in love. It's interesting because most would describe me as a hopeless romantic and would be correct. I'm one who loves love. I want to fall in love. I'm a sap, an idealist. Yet, I overanalyze EVERYTHING, and my brain gets in the way of what my heart feels. Some say it's smart to play it safe. But my friend told me, "When it comes to love, you can't get what you want based on fear."
I subconsciously (and consciously) wait for that "one". The man who's going to be everything to me. Best friend. Lover. Partner. Confidante. Is that too unrealistic? Perhaps. But, as I mentioned in previous blogs, I refuse to settle. But, I don't think it's about settling. My sister says I need to make myself more available and put myself out there on the scene. So, the question is: How do I do that?
My friend mentioned how I may be "in the freezer"...and it made sense! I'm at a place where I can be preserved, but I have to admit, it's a bit cold in there. And we all know what happens to things that stay in the freezer too long - they get freezer-burned (which is an oxymoron - but it does happen, especially to meat!)!
I'll be a year older in my late 20s in July, and I'm forced to think about my future. As I progress in my career, who I want to spend my future with is in the back of my mind. Yet, I must focus on my present and how the experiences today will shape my future. Perhaps, I should listen more to my heart. Whatever the case, it's summertime and it's the season in my life to thaw out.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Potential vs. Position
To date, one of my most memorable interviews was with scholar, actor and author Hill Harper. In his most recent work, The Conversation: How Black Men and Women Can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships, Hill discussed how black women should date looking to pursue the "potential" in a mate, as opposed to his "status" or "position".
Hill and comedian Steve Harvey reiterated this point recently on the Nightline special, "Why Can't a Successful Black Woman Find a Man?" Steve argued some women focus so intently on the position that we tend to oversee the potential in a man.
As much as I hate to say it, I tend to agree. And I speak from experience. Sort of.
But, who am I to judge? Yes, I'm educated with a Master's degree in Journalism. Yes, I have high morals and standards. It's fair to say I have a "list" of what I look for in a potential mate, and being educated and possessing morals are two of them.
However, I'm in my late 20s and because I've spent most of my adulthood in school, I've just started my career in my field. Unlike some, I don't measure success by dollar signs, but by one's pursuit to work honestly and diligently for what brings joy to him and those around him. I want someone who loves life and desires to share that love with others. A man who works hard and cares about people. He could be a laborer, a member of the law enforcement, an actor or the President of the United States (which brings me to my next point).
Hill pointed out First Lady Michelle Obama saw the potential in our President Barack Obama...
The examples can go on forever and I feel him on his point. Yet, it's one thing to feel him, and it's another to put it to practice.
After a phone conversation with my sister a few minutes ago, we discussed how difficult it can be to focus on that "potential" when you know what you want. But, perhaps that's the problem. We're thinking about ourselves and not putting our future mate in the equation. I mean, he does count and he is who we want to share our future (and our present).
I suppose my long-winded point is I don't think I'm picky. I have my standards and I refuse to settle. Yet, sometimes I tend to wonder what opportunities I passed up that were "potentially" good ones...
Everything happens for a reason, and I strive to learn from everything. I just don't want to learn the lessons too late. But, I'm not too worried. I'd like to think I have some time. In the meantime, I'll work on what I bring to the table to position myself for my potential mate.
Hill and comedian Steve Harvey reiterated this point recently on the Nightline special, "Why Can't a Successful Black Woman Find a Man?" Steve argued some women focus so intently on the position that we tend to oversee the potential in a man.
As much as I hate to say it, I tend to agree. And I speak from experience. Sort of.
But, who am I to judge? Yes, I'm educated with a Master's degree in Journalism. Yes, I have high morals and standards. It's fair to say I have a "list" of what I look for in a potential mate, and being educated and possessing morals are two of them.
However, I'm in my late 20s and because I've spent most of my adulthood in school, I've just started my career in my field. Unlike some, I don't measure success by dollar signs, but by one's pursuit to work honestly and diligently for what brings joy to him and those around him. I want someone who loves life and desires to share that love with others. A man who works hard and cares about people. He could be a laborer, a member of the law enforcement, an actor or the President of the United States (which brings me to my next point).
Hill pointed out First Lady Michelle Obama saw the potential in our President Barack Obama...
The examples can go on forever and I feel him on his point. Yet, it's one thing to feel him, and it's another to put it to practice.
After a phone conversation with my sister a few minutes ago, we discussed how difficult it can be to focus on that "potential" when you know what you want. But, perhaps that's the problem. We're thinking about ourselves and not putting our future mate in the equation. I mean, he does count and he is who we want to share our future (and our present).
I suppose my long-winded point is I don't think I'm picky. I have my standards and I refuse to settle. Yet, sometimes I tend to wonder what opportunities I passed up that were "potentially" good ones...
Everything happens for a reason, and I strive to learn from everything. I just don't want to learn the lessons too late. But, I'm not too worried. I'd like to think I have some time. In the meantime, I'll work on what I bring to the table to position myself for my potential mate.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Let's Get It Right & Get It Tight in 2010 Ladies!
Bubba Sparxxx isn't the only one who can say it. My title for this post is my quote for the year-"Get It Right & Get It Tight", which is more than I say for the women in his music video. But, in a way, I think he may have been on to something, just a bit misguided (I digress). I write this post not as one who criticizes or looks down on others, but one who is concerned and a bit frustrated with members of her community.
As a disclaimer, I don't proclaim to be Flo Jo, nor do I say I am a fitness guru. I'm not perfect. The last few weeks, I've skipped a few 5am trips to the gym before work. I know better. So, guess what? When you know better, you do better.
I must admit, a stimulating conversation with a special friend last night ignited the flame from my mind to my fingertips as I type this blog post. We both observed the same thing and asked ourselves the same question: why are most women in our community unhealthy?
Back in January, I wrote an article for Gloss Magazine Online entitled "Food for Thought and Action". In the article, I interviewed two African-American female health experts and a woman who's working to maintain a healthy lifestyle. The woman looking to remain healthy said something that resonated with me. She said as weird as it sounded, every time she thought about eating something unhealthy, an overweight sister would appear in her presence.
What's sad is this statement isn't weird, nor is it false. According to the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services, African-American women have the highest rates of being overweight or obese than any other ethnic group in the country. Four out of five women are overweight or obese. If people don't see this is as a problem, then I don't know what is.
Like my friend, when we go to the gym, why is it we rarely see Black women working out? Why aren't we outside jogging in our neighborhoods? Why aren't our shopping carts at grocery stores filled with fruits, vegetables, salads and other healthy products? We can't put all the blame on our schools for feeding our children garbage.
The harsh truth is practicing and living a healthy lifestyle starts at home. Children model the actions they see. As mothers, aunts, grandmothers and caregivers (which I am not either of these yet, but hope to be one day) we must provide a positive example for our youth and end this vicious cycle that's killing our community. Killing us with diseases related to obesity such as hypertension, strokes, heart attacks and diabetes. But, if we can't take care of ourselves, how are we going to take care of someone else?
Of course, all of this starts from within...how do we feel about ourselves? A low self-esteem exudes and is reflected in our outer appearance. If you don't believe in or love yourself, how do you expect others to be attracted to you (and not just in a romantic way)? So the question is...how can we gain that inner confidence and love for life that we need to take care of ourselves?
As a disclaimer, I don't proclaim to be Flo Jo, nor do I say I am a fitness guru. I'm not perfect. The last few weeks, I've skipped a few 5am trips to the gym before work. I know better. So, guess what? When you know better, you do better.
I must admit, a stimulating conversation with a special friend last night ignited the flame from my mind to my fingertips as I type this blog post. We both observed the same thing and asked ourselves the same question: why are most women in our community unhealthy?
Back in January, I wrote an article for Gloss Magazine Online entitled "Food for Thought and Action". In the article, I interviewed two African-American female health experts and a woman who's working to maintain a healthy lifestyle. The woman looking to remain healthy said something that resonated with me. She said as weird as it sounded, every time she thought about eating something unhealthy, an overweight sister would appear in her presence.
What's sad is this statement isn't weird, nor is it false. According to the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services, African-American women have the highest rates of being overweight or obese than any other ethnic group in the country. Four out of five women are overweight or obese. If people don't see this is as a problem, then I don't know what is.
Like my friend, when we go to the gym, why is it we rarely see Black women working out? Why aren't we outside jogging in our neighborhoods? Why aren't our shopping carts at grocery stores filled with fruits, vegetables, salads and other healthy products? We can't put all the blame on our schools for feeding our children garbage.
The harsh truth is practicing and living a healthy lifestyle starts at home. Children model the actions they see. As mothers, aunts, grandmothers and caregivers (which I am not either of these yet, but hope to be one day) we must provide a positive example for our youth and end this vicious cycle that's killing our community. Killing us with diseases related to obesity such as hypertension, strokes, heart attacks and diabetes. But, if we can't take care of ourselves, how are we going to take care of someone else?
Of course, all of this starts from within...how do we feel about ourselves? A low self-esteem exudes and is reflected in our outer appearance. If you don't believe in or love yourself, how do you expect others to be attracted to you (and not just in a romantic way)? So the question is...how can we gain that inner confidence and love for life that we need to take care of ourselves?
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Love is Not a Dirty Word
I know it can be hard to believe, but love isn't a dirty word. Musiq Soulchild made a song about the topic. It's true: it's often misused and abused, tossed around like any other word, without any thought. Isn't it funny how we use it? Think about it: I love shopping. I love my family. I love my job. I love spending time with my friends. We use "love" to describe our adoration for people, inanimate objects and hobbies. True enough we have different degrees of admiration for them, but one thing's for sure-we genuinely care about them.
This may be perhaps one of the main reasons the word "love" is misused so frequently. Perhaps people have heard it so much that somewhere in the shuffle they've lost the true meaning of it. Or they equate love with someone or something they once held dear to their hearts and were sourly disappointed. I can't help but think of all the hearts out there that were once filled with that genuine love, but lost it (or most of it) and refuse to open themselves to the possibility...
What do you do when you run into this? What's a single 20-something to do as she works the courage to open herself up for that possibility?
She does just that-she opens her heart, yet keeps her eyes open. She continues to adore those objects and hobbies, but holds those people in her life a little bit closer to her. She lives life to the fullest, enjoying and appreciating the smaller things in life, like hummus and wine after a day of work one evening or dancing in the sunshine on a spring day. She continues to LOVE every aspect of life and pray that it's so infectious she spreads it to the next person and he or she pays it forward.
I challenge you (and myself) to do something-think about the word "love" before saying it. It's one of those words that shouldn't be trapped in the sewage system somewhere. It should have life, and an opportunity to bloom into infinite possibilities meant for good, and never for evil.
This may be perhaps one of the main reasons the word "love" is misused so frequently. Perhaps people have heard it so much that somewhere in the shuffle they've lost the true meaning of it. Or they equate love with someone or something they once held dear to their hearts and were sourly disappointed. I can't help but think of all the hearts out there that were once filled with that genuine love, but lost it (or most of it) and refuse to open themselves to the possibility...
What do you do when you run into this? What's a single 20-something to do as she works the courage to open herself up for that possibility?
She does just that-she opens her heart, yet keeps her eyes open. She continues to adore those objects and hobbies, but holds those people in her life a little bit closer to her. She lives life to the fullest, enjoying and appreciating the smaller things in life, like hummus and wine after a day of work one evening or dancing in the sunshine on a spring day. She continues to LOVE every aspect of life and pray that it's so infectious she spreads it to the next person and he or she pays it forward.
I challenge you (and myself) to do something-think about the word "love" before saying it. It's one of those words that shouldn't be trapped in the sewage system somewhere. It should have life, and an opportunity to bloom into infinite possibilities meant for good, and never for evil.
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