I know it can be hard to believe, but love isn't a dirty word. Musiq Soulchild made a song about the topic. It's true: it's often misused and abused, tossed around like any other word, without any thought. Isn't it funny how we use it? Think about it: I love shopping. I love my family. I love my job. I love spending time with my friends. We use "love" to describe our adoration for people, inanimate objects and hobbies. True enough we have different degrees of admiration for them, but one thing's for sure-we genuinely care about them.
This may be perhaps one of the main reasons the word "love" is misused so frequently. Perhaps people have heard it so much that somewhere in the shuffle they've lost the true meaning of it. Or they equate love with someone or something they once held dear to their hearts and were sourly disappointed. I can't help but think of all the hearts out there that were once filled with that genuine love, but lost it (or most of it) and refuse to open themselves to the possibility...
What do you do when you run into this? What's a single 20-something to do as she works the courage to open herself up for that possibility?
She does just that-she opens her heart, yet keeps her eyes open. She continues to adore those objects and hobbies, but holds those people in her life a little bit closer to her. She lives life to the fullest, enjoying and appreciating the smaller things in life, like hummus and wine after a day of work one evening or dancing in the sunshine on a spring day. She continues to LOVE every aspect of life and pray that it's so infectious she spreads it to the next person and he or she pays it forward.
I challenge you (and myself) to do something-think about the word "love" before saying it. It's one of those words that shouldn't be trapped in the sewage system somewhere. It should have life, and an opportunity to bloom into infinite possibilities meant for good, and never for evil.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Looking Like a Fool With Your Pants on the Ground!
Throughout this month, I've watched several "old-school" movies (e.g. Cooley High, The Mack, etc.) that reflected life for African-Americans back in the day. In the midst of the Civil Rights Movement and other moments in history, one thing stood out to me: how we as a people dressed.
I looked at old pictures of my mother and some of our other family members from the 1950s and 1960s. It amazed me how teenagers AND adults took such pride in their appearance. From the hairstyles to the color-coordinated and tailored clothing to the shoes, we were stunning! At a time when we couldn't vote and our predecessors marched for miles to demonstrate for equality, they walked for miles in style because they possessed an inner pride within themselves. Even though they knew what faced them (the threat of being beaten, attacked by dogs, sprayed by water hoses, thrown in jail or even killed), they were dressed for success and nothing less. They wanted to be taken seriously. Unfortunately, I can't say the same for many of the people in our community today (especially the youngsters)...
I think American Idol Larry Platt said it best in his song "Pants on the Ground". Words can't describe how much I much detest seeing young (and older) men with their pants hanging off their behinds and revealing their underwear with the blinding glare of gold from their "grills". But, it's not just the fellas! Who told these young women wearing these tight jeans (that reveal their behinds), tops that show their goodies and multi-colored weave is cute?
Call me bougie (derived from bourgeois) if you must, but I feel we need to take back our pride in ourselves, which equals pride in our community. What has happened in the last few decades (a generation basically) where people don't care how they look? The younger generations don't necessarily have many role models to look up to, especially those who grow up around this lifestyle. Unfortunately, people are judged by their outer appearance. The old saying "your first impression should be your best impression" isn't too far-fetched...
I looked at old pictures of my mother and some of our other family members from the 1950s and 1960s. It amazed me how teenagers AND adults took such pride in their appearance. From the hairstyles to the color-coordinated and tailored clothing to the shoes, we were stunning! At a time when we couldn't vote and our predecessors marched for miles to demonstrate for equality, they walked for miles in style because they possessed an inner pride within themselves. Even though they knew what faced them (the threat of being beaten, attacked by dogs, sprayed by water hoses, thrown in jail or even killed), they were dressed for success and nothing less. They wanted to be taken seriously. Unfortunately, I can't say the same for many of the people in our community today (especially the youngsters)...
I think American Idol Larry Platt said it best in his song "Pants on the Ground". Words can't describe how much I much detest seeing young (and older) men with their pants hanging off their behinds and revealing their underwear with the blinding glare of gold from their "grills". But, it's not just the fellas! Who told these young women wearing these tight jeans (that reveal their behinds), tops that show their goodies and multi-colored weave is cute?
Call me bougie (derived from bourgeois) if you must, but I feel we need to take back our pride in ourselves, which equals pride in our community. What has happened in the last few decades (a generation basically) where people don't care how they look? The younger generations don't necessarily have many role models to look up to, especially those who grow up around this lifestyle. Unfortunately, people are judged by their outer appearance. The old saying "your first impression should be your best impression" isn't too far-fetched...
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Innovators and History Makers...Ain't No Stopping Us Now
In the midst of turbulence and trouble in urban communities in the United States, music has remained a constant figure throughout the course of history.
I recently watched how the vision of one man changed the course of this history. In 1968, Don Cornelius earned a job at Chicago's WCIU-TV. This is where he developed his deep desire to see African Americans portrayed in a positive light in the midst of the Civil Rights Movement. His vision of a "black American Bandstand" turned into "Soul Train", which aired for the first time on August 17, 1970. By the end of the first season, the show expanded to 50 cities all over the country.
Little did I realize that it took less than a year for the show to get backing for national syndication. On October 2, 1971, the show premiered in Los Angeles, around the same time Motown moved to LA from Detroit. Apparently, this was a sign the times were a-changin' for black folks, at least in the entertainment industry. Nonetheless, it was a significant step in mainstream media.
Soul Train was also a platform for black-owned businesses (e.g. Johnson Products) to promote their company's products, which reinforced the phrase "black is beautiful". I remember this when I was younger. I looked forward to watching Soul Train every Saturday morning at 11:00 a.m. I loved watching the commericals, which showed people that looked like me. I used to sing along to the"Just For Me" commercial and with Tyrese on the bus in the Coca-Cola commercial. Oh memories, good times...but I digress...
Don Cornelius also changed the game in business and journalism. It was a place where more black floor managers and black directors appeared on the scene. The show also created a voice for various forms of music, including a new genre on the scene--hip-hop. This was a form of music many were unfamilar with, and didn't understand. But, something about Doug E. Fresh's beatboxing and Slick Rick's lyrics (among other innovators of hip-hop) were intriguing and irresistible. The feeling of the atmosphere at Fresh Fest last night (a reunion tour featuring Salt N Pepa, Slick Rick, Doug E. Fresh, Biz Markie, Big Daddy Kane and Whodini) took me back to those years when I was a young lass watching them on television on Saturday mornings.
It was truly a sad day when Don Cornelius left the show in 1993, but even sadder when the show went off the air back in 2006. I didn't realize this show made history as the longest syndicated TV show--35 years!
Soul Train was more than a show for people to view the latest dance moves, fashion fads or hear the latest hits. It created a source of pride in our community that was much-needed and to this today, is truly appreciated, at least from a young twentysomething brown lady's perspective.
I recently watched how the vision of one man changed the course of this history. In 1968, Don Cornelius earned a job at Chicago's WCIU-TV. This is where he developed his deep desire to see African Americans portrayed in a positive light in the midst of the Civil Rights Movement. His vision of a "black American Bandstand" turned into "Soul Train", which aired for the first time on August 17, 1970. By the end of the first season, the show expanded to 50 cities all over the country.
Little did I realize that it took less than a year for the show to get backing for national syndication. On October 2, 1971, the show premiered in Los Angeles, around the same time Motown moved to LA from Detroit. Apparently, this was a sign the times were a-changin' for black folks, at least in the entertainment industry. Nonetheless, it was a significant step in mainstream media.
Soul Train was also a platform for black-owned businesses (e.g. Johnson Products) to promote their company's products, which reinforced the phrase "black is beautiful". I remember this when I was younger. I looked forward to watching Soul Train every Saturday morning at 11:00 a.m. I loved watching the commericals, which showed people that looked like me. I used to sing along to the"Just For Me" commercial and with Tyrese on the bus in the Coca-Cola commercial. Oh memories, good times...but I digress...
Don Cornelius also changed the game in business and journalism. It was a place where more black floor managers and black directors appeared on the scene. The show also created a voice for various forms of music, including a new genre on the scene--hip-hop. This was a form of music many were unfamilar with, and didn't understand. But, something about Doug E. Fresh's beatboxing and Slick Rick's lyrics (among other innovators of hip-hop) were intriguing and irresistible. The feeling of the atmosphere at Fresh Fest last night (a reunion tour featuring Salt N Pepa, Slick Rick, Doug E. Fresh, Biz Markie, Big Daddy Kane and Whodini) took me back to those years when I was a young lass watching them on television on Saturday mornings.
It was truly a sad day when Don Cornelius left the show in 1993, but even sadder when the show went off the air back in 2006. I didn't realize this show made history as the longest syndicated TV show--35 years!
Soul Train was more than a show for people to view the latest dance moves, fashion fads or hear the latest hits. It created a source of pride in our community that was much-needed and to this today, is truly appreciated, at least from a young twentysomething brown lady's perspective.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Is Common Courtesy Really That COMMON Anymore?
I fathom over this question every day as I ride the bus and train to and from my daily destinations. I observe the behavior of children (grade school and high school ages) & wonder (to be frank)...WTF? To be honest, some of these children act like animals!
I listen to the foul language coming out of their mouths (which we cursed when I was younger, but most of us didn't dare let an adult hear us) and there's just no respect, for those around them or themselves for that matter. Buses are crowded and they are pushing through passengers without an "excuse me", "sorry" or "pardon me". Really? Seriously?
My question is, what has happened within the last decade that people just don't care anymore? Why are parents neglecting to teach their children the rules of common courtesy and proper etiquette? Is it just me? Am I old-fashioned? I'm just shy of a generation older than most of these younger people I see...so, what in the heck has happened in such a short amount of time?
Don't get me wrong. I love listening to my iPod and listening to my jams, but I shouldn't be forced to in efforts to drown out the vulgarity I hear from these youngsters' mouths. It's a shame when the volume level from their "conversations" are competing with my electronic device, which I have to hold close to make sure one of them doesn't try to swipe in the first place.
I'm tired of getting shoved in the ovary or knocked in the back of the head with an oversized backpack because some rude child can't say "excuse me". I do love children (even though it may not sound like it), but I'm just sayin'...
I listen to the foul language coming out of their mouths (which we cursed when I was younger, but most of us didn't dare let an adult hear us) and there's just no respect, for those around them or themselves for that matter. Buses are crowded and they are pushing through passengers without an "excuse me", "sorry" or "pardon me". Really? Seriously?
My question is, what has happened within the last decade that people just don't care anymore? Why are parents neglecting to teach their children the rules of common courtesy and proper etiquette? Is it just me? Am I old-fashioned? I'm just shy of a generation older than most of these younger people I see...so, what in the heck has happened in such a short amount of time?
Don't get me wrong. I love listening to my iPod and listening to my jams, but I shouldn't be forced to in efforts to drown out the vulgarity I hear from these youngsters' mouths. It's a shame when the volume level from their "conversations" are competing with my electronic device, which I have to hold close to make sure one of them doesn't try to swipe in the first place.
I'm tired of getting shoved in the ovary or knocked in the back of the head with an oversized backpack because some rude child can't say "excuse me". I do love children (even though it may not sound like it), but I'm just sayin'...
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
A Woman's Worth...My Worth
My best friend (a black male) and I read Hill Harper's "The Conversation: How Black Men and Women Can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships," at the same time, and needless to say, it sparked some conversation. One evening, he texted me and asked, "Do you feel valued by black men?" Talk about sparking conversation!!!! My best friend and I talk about everything, but this book brought the conversation between us, but more so the one I have with myself, to a completely different level!
When he asked me that question, I was speechless for probably the fifth time in my life. I told him, "This is not a texting conversation, so when you're free we'll talk about it in more detail. But, in the meantime, I'll say yes and no. I will elaborate later."
This question is something I fathom about quite often. Every time I ride the bus or train, every time I watch television (whether it's a music video, television show or the news) or read a newspaper or magazine, I pay attention to how black women are depicted. But, I can't speak for all black women, I can only speak for one...me. So, this is how I feel...
Many times, I don't feel valued by my black men. This is not a blog to diss all black men, because I refuse to jump on the bandwagon to say all of ANY group of people are the same.
My biological father left my mother, sister and I when I was three years old. Evil would be a kind description of my ex-stepfather. So, at an early age, the first black men in my life weren't very influential in telling me how precious I was in this world to them. But, I won't dwell in the past, so let's fast forward to the present.
I have a best friend who is the best I could ask for and more, and I do feel valued by him. I know he would do anything for me, and he doesn't take advantage of me. But, what about that significant other in my life? Well, that's part of the problem. It's not a problem that I'm single because I embrace it. The problem is why I'm single.
It's actually quite simple--I refuse to settle! I refuse to settle for a playa who has five children by four women or Mr. Married Man who wants a little somethin' on the side. Sorry, I'm not the one! Words can't describe my disdain and disgust when I get approached by these men--but I know my worth, and I can't go there. I don't know if these men weren't reared on the proper etiquette of how to treat ladies, if the media has a role in it, or if it's the mere disrespect that some of my black sistas put out there for themselves. Whatever the case, I'm not the one!
I don't live by how people (e.g. black men) feel about me, but I have to admit, it is nice when I feel respected. I was told recently all people really want in life is to be loved, wanted and to belong. I agree. People want (and need) to feel they are valued. I would like to feel like I'm valued, for more than that's what on my chest, what I sit on or what's between my legs.
When he asked me that question, I was speechless for probably the fifth time in my life. I told him, "This is not a texting conversation, so when you're free we'll talk about it in more detail. But, in the meantime, I'll say yes and no. I will elaborate later."
This question is something I fathom about quite often. Every time I ride the bus or train, every time I watch television (whether it's a music video, television show or the news) or read a newspaper or magazine, I pay attention to how black women are depicted. But, I can't speak for all black women, I can only speak for one...me. So, this is how I feel...
Many times, I don't feel valued by my black men. This is not a blog to diss all black men, because I refuse to jump on the bandwagon to say all of ANY group of people are the same.
My biological father left my mother, sister and I when I was three years old. Evil would be a kind description of my ex-stepfather. So, at an early age, the first black men in my life weren't very influential in telling me how precious I was in this world to them. But, I won't dwell in the past, so let's fast forward to the present.
I have a best friend who is the best I could ask for and more, and I do feel valued by him. I know he would do anything for me, and he doesn't take advantage of me. But, what about that significant other in my life? Well, that's part of the problem. It's not a problem that I'm single because I embrace it. The problem is why I'm single.
It's actually quite simple--I refuse to settle! I refuse to settle for a playa who has five children by four women or Mr. Married Man who wants a little somethin' on the side. Sorry, I'm not the one! Words can't describe my disdain and disgust when I get approached by these men--but I know my worth, and I can't go there. I don't know if these men weren't reared on the proper etiquette of how to treat ladies, if the media has a role in it, or if it's the mere disrespect that some of my black sistas put out there for themselves. Whatever the case, I'm not the one!
I don't live by how people (e.g. black men) feel about me, but I have to admit, it is nice when I feel respected. I was told recently all people really want in life is to be loved, wanted and to belong. I agree. People want (and need) to feel they are valued. I would like to feel like I'm valued, for more than that's what on my chest, what I sit on or what's between my legs.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Comes to the Light...Everything
I just love how there's probably a song for almost everything. I was listening to a song the other day and oh how I can relate to it today! Jill Scott's "Comes to the Light (Everything)" pretty much sums it up!
Why do people lie? Why do people cheat? My girl Jill was right, and the old saying is true: "What happens in the dark will come to light".
Eventually.
It may be sooner than later, or vice versa.
Take Tiger Woods for example. As I write this blog, I observe more news about his infidelty on practically every news channel. My, how the mighty have fallen...or has he? Much of society seems to reward this behavior. I was having a heart-to-heart with my best friend tonight, and expressed to him my disgust for how this sort of thing seems to be the norm these days. What is wrong with this world? Am I in the twilight zone? What happened to staying true to one person and being trustworthy? Perhaps I'm just old fashioned...
Or perhaps more people need to stand up to this backwards, cowardly, dishonest and disgraceful behavior. Maybe too many people pacify and tolerate this behavior because they don't have the testicular verility to demand the respect they deserve. I'm not saying you should walk around bitter with a chip on your shoulder. You should forgive and move on with your life. However, don't turn a blind eye. It doesn't mean you have to put yourself back in the same position you were in where you were betrayed or hurt.
I must admit I am writing this blog as a sense of therapy. I am saying all this to myself as I write this for others. As much as I wonder sometimes, I still have faith in humankind and believe there are decent people out there with good intentions. I just pray their hearts don't become callused from the hurt and experiences in this adventure we call "life".
Why do people lie? Why do people cheat? My girl Jill was right, and the old saying is true: "What happens in the dark will come to light".
Eventually.
It may be sooner than later, or vice versa.
Take Tiger Woods for example. As I write this blog, I observe more news about his infidelty on practically every news channel. My, how the mighty have fallen...or has he? Much of society seems to reward this behavior. I was having a heart-to-heart with my best friend tonight, and expressed to him my disgust for how this sort of thing seems to be the norm these days. What is wrong with this world? Am I in the twilight zone? What happened to staying true to one person and being trustworthy? Perhaps I'm just old fashioned...
Or perhaps more people need to stand up to this backwards, cowardly, dishonest and disgraceful behavior. Maybe too many people pacify and tolerate this behavior because they don't have the testicular verility to demand the respect they deserve. I'm not saying you should walk around bitter with a chip on your shoulder. You should forgive and move on with your life. However, don't turn a blind eye. It doesn't mean you have to put yourself back in the same position you were in where you were betrayed or hurt.
I must admit I am writing this blog as a sense of therapy. I am saying all this to myself as I write this for others. As much as I wonder sometimes, I still have faith in humankind and believe there are decent people out there with good intentions. I just pray their hearts don't become callused from the hurt and experiences in this adventure we call "life".
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
A Change IS Gonna Come!
"I think an overwhelming portion of the intensely demonstrated animosity toward President Barack Obama is based on the fact that he is a Black man."-Former President Jimmy Carter
Those words from former President Carter speak for themselves.
I guess I would be blind (and clueless) to think racism has escaped our country. Almost 200 years after the Emancipation Proclamation, and decades after the Jim Crow laws and the Brown v. Board of Education of Topeka (1954), the stinch of bigotry and prejudices against African Americans still lingers. The sad truth is there are still individuals out there who aren't and won't ever be ready for a black man to be the President of the United States.
However, I must admit I am grateful I witnessed this historical election. As much hatred as there is out there, clearly there's some love and hope in the midst that helped my President get elected to this position. I'll never forget the voice of a Caucasian woman and the look on her face when she told me a month before the election an account about helping senior citizens register to vote, and how much she supported President Obama. She told me how one black lady told her she never voted before, and she wanted to gather some things before she left to vote. The older lady gathered photos of her deceased mother and other loved ones in her family who weren't able to witness this moment in time. It took everything in me not to break down right there. I was so inspired by that story that I also took a photo of my grandmother with me on that chilly November morning a year ago as I cast my ballot. Man, I would love to see the look on Big Mama's face right now...
I often wonder what it will take for those who carry such disdain for President Obama because he is black to give him an opportunity to do his job, an opportunity frankly he deserves. Is it not good enough he's intelligent (was I dreaming or did I read he was the president of The Harvard Law Review?)? Is it not good enough he has such an optimistic faith in this country, the very country who has people who hate him? Is it not good enough he's walked into a line of fire, which includes a job (his term) that entails a plummeting economy, two wars and other issues in which we're not even aware? I guess not even winning the Nobel Prize is enough (in which non-Americans nominated and voted for may I point out, but I digress). He's just can't win for losing...
A year later, I can tell the sense of optimism has slightly decreased all over the country, in addition to some people's support for President Obama. But, not for me. I refuse to give up and throw in the towel. I may be optimistic, but I'm realistic too. There's no way one man can change the world in a day, or a month, or a year. I realized what he faced when he took that oath on that bitter winter day in January, and I think he did too. I'm no fairweather fan. I support my President because Sam Cooke said it best, "A Change is Gonna Come"!
Those words from former President Carter speak for themselves.
I guess I would be blind (and clueless) to think racism has escaped our country. Almost 200 years after the Emancipation Proclamation, and decades after the Jim Crow laws and the Brown v. Board of Education of Topeka (1954), the stinch of bigotry and prejudices against African Americans still lingers. The sad truth is there are still individuals out there who aren't and won't ever be ready for a black man to be the President of the United States.
However, I must admit I am grateful I witnessed this historical election. As much hatred as there is out there, clearly there's some love and hope in the midst that helped my President get elected to this position. I'll never forget the voice of a Caucasian woman and the look on her face when she told me a month before the election an account about helping senior citizens register to vote, and how much she supported President Obama. She told me how one black lady told her she never voted before, and she wanted to gather some things before she left to vote. The older lady gathered photos of her deceased mother and other loved ones in her family who weren't able to witness this moment in time. It took everything in me not to break down right there. I was so inspired by that story that I also took a photo of my grandmother with me on that chilly November morning a year ago as I cast my ballot. Man, I would love to see the look on Big Mama's face right now...
I often wonder what it will take for those who carry such disdain for President Obama because he is black to give him an opportunity to do his job, an opportunity frankly he deserves. Is it not good enough he's intelligent (was I dreaming or did I read he was the president of The Harvard Law Review?)? Is it not good enough he has such an optimistic faith in this country, the very country who has people who hate him? Is it not good enough he's walked into a line of fire, which includes a job (his term) that entails a plummeting economy, two wars and other issues in which we're not even aware? I guess not even winning the Nobel Prize is enough (in which non-Americans nominated and voted for may I point out, but I digress). He's just can't win for losing...
A year later, I can tell the sense of optimism has slightly decreased all over the country, in addition to some people's support for President Obama. But, not for me. I refuse to give up and throw in the towel. I may be optimistic, but I'm realistic too. There's no way one man can change the world in a day, or a month, or a year. I realized what he faced when he took that oath on that bitter winter day in January, and I think he did too. I'm no fairweather fan. I support my President because Sam Cooke said it best, "A Change is Gonna Come"!
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